Well, it's official. My practice teacher has recommended that I fail. I'm not surprised, but was desperately hoping it wouldn't happen.
So...PCP on Thursday. I can't really do anything until after that, when they've made their recommendations.

In the meantime, I have a report to write for the panel, my bit of the final report for my placement to do, and an essay due in on Wednesday. While I have that to focus on I'm not worrying too much. I'm trying not to, anyway.

Figuring that I'll have to wait until September to start a new placement, I'm applying for a 6 month job in a Youth Offending Team.

Yesterday I had what I hope will be my last supervision as a student. Scary thought, but good scary. I know it's going to be hard looking for a qualified job, especially because of my relative lack of pre-course work experience, but I'm looking forward to it. Just been able to apply for qualified jobs will be an achievement in itself.
Ideally I'd like to work in a hospice, I've been doing some research and found one job which would be ideal, but it's too early. I know it's unlikely I'd get my perfect job straight away though, and I'm okay with that. I'm hoping to move as well, closer to home. I don't want to be right back home, but I'm a ridiculous distance away now and it would be nice to be able to go home for weekends sometimes.
I've only got three days left on my placement - I had my last key work meeting with the client I've been working with since I started there, which was quite sad, especially because she's got family stuff going on at the moment.
This is part of the reason why I'm so tired of being a student - just getting settled in, being seen as part of the team, service users used to you, opening up to you, then you have to leave.
We used that meeting as an observation (I went in on my day off and cancelled on my mentor for it, so it's a bloody good job it went well!) so I'm busy trying to write it up. I'm nearly at my word limit already and I'm only about halfway through. Luckily, I'm pretty good at editing!

19th March - Practice Consultation Panel. That is an extra panel for me because of my Interim report.

23rd March - Practice Assessment Panel. That is the one that everybody's reports go to.

So...I have 8 days left on my placement. I was supposed to be meeting on Tuesday with my two supervisors to discuss my progress and the final report, but one of them can't make it so it has to be rearranged.

I know I'm doing so much better, but I don't know, and they don't know, if anything will be able to overcome the Interim report.

I'm still enjoying the placement, although not as much as I would be if all this wasn't hanging over me. I've got more clients to key-work and am finishing off a project on the review process that I've been doing since I started.

I'm trying to organise a visit for me and some clients to another centre's sensory room, because we need new equipment for ours and want to get an idea of what other places have. Unfortunately, the guy I need to speak to never seems to be in his office, and he hasn't returned my calls when I've left a message.

Tomorrow I'm doing a 4-week review for a client. What started out as just me and him has now grown to include his wife and his social worker, as well as my practice teacher, who will be observing me so we can write it up for the final report. I'm trying not to get too nervous about it, but I probably will be by tomorrow lunch time.

I've sent off an application form to do more voluntary work in the summer. I figure that if I don't pass this placement, I will have to wait to do another one, and if I do, I won't get a job straight away. So at the moment I have two weeks of voluntary work planned, on holidays with two children's charities, and I'm applying to shadow a doctor for a week at the local hospital. When i qualify I'd like to work in a hospice, or a hospital, but I thought it would be good to make the effort to shadow different professionals. Also, if I do decide to try and pursue medicine in the future, it will be experience for that as well.

I'm trying to stay positive, I can't do another until the 19th when I need to go into the Panel and show them that I'm competent and ready to qualify.

I'm having a bit of my crisis on my placement. I'm supposed to have 7 days left, but my tutor is trying to arrange for it to be extended so I can show I'm meeting all of the Key Roles. I keep making a joke of it, saying that it wouldn't be a placement for me if there wasn't a crisis in it somewhere, but in reality I'm terrified. I've come so far, worked so hard to get to this point, I've already spent far too long on his course, there's so much I want to do when I qualify, and I can't even face thinking about the possibility of putting everything on hold again.
I've given myself a good kick up the arse, though. It's only a few weeks, I just need to focus on one thing at a time. Which means no shifts, which obviously means no wages.
Unfortunately I have to do my Biology coursework. I should have handed in the rough draft last week, but sent her half of what I should have on Friday. It's going, but very slowly. But that can always be re-done. It's all about priorities, as I keep telling myself, as everyone else keeps telling me.
So my dissertation is on hold, my Placement Project is on hold, thinking about my final portfolio is on hold. Thinking about anything but my placement, and what I have to do now for Biology (if I gave up on the course now I'd lose way too much money to even consider doing that) and focus, focus, focus.

I only have a few weeks left on my placement now. This is when it gets even more hectic. The last time I reached this point, two years ago, I had to leave the placement early and that's why I'm not qualified now. So obviously however much people reassure me that that isn't going to happen, I can't help worrying about it.
Also, there is the work. Apart from all of the placement work itself, there is my dissertation, which I have been working on but after failing two, it's hard not to feel hopeless about passing it this time. There is also my Placement Project which is 5000 words. I finally decided what to do it on (at about 3am while I was home for Christmas and couldn't sleep for stressing) and have made a start on some notes for it.
I also have an exam next week. I'm doing an AS Level in Biology one evening a week and our first exam is next Thursday. I have been revising, which I need to as I got a U in my mock. Although that wasn't surprising as I had done literally 10 minutes of revision for that.
I was supposed to be working three days this week, but they cancelled all of the shifts, because once again they got new staff. I'm not too bothered because I've been getting a lot of work done, but on the other hand, I really need the money.
I'm not sure how I feel about starting back on my placement on Monday. It's good obviously, every day done is another less to go. Man, I hate thinking like that, but after my last placement I can't help it. I'm really nervous as well. I'm looking forward to finishing the placement, but dreading it at the same time. I like everyone there, it will be weird not being there anymore. But as bad as it sounds, I got on with the staff at my first placement a lot better than I have with the ones on this one, so it won't be as hard to leave this one, in theory.
I didn't actually mean to come here and moan, but that's what I've done! I need to get back to work. I do need to post here more though, I think it will be good for me to talk about my course and everything, where I'm not bringing other things into - I have another blog for that.

Happy New Year everyone :)